


Flashback

by Listless_Songbird



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Flashbacks, Gen, Panic Attacks, and sometimes they take you by suprise, triggers are hecking bastards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 20:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16625504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Listless_Songbird/pseuds/Listless_Songbird
Summary: Virgil is cleaning out his closet and comes across his old hoodie which trigger some bad memories. Luckily Patton is here to help bring him back to the present





	Flashback

Virgil shuffled through his closet grabbing up everything that had fallen to the floor and hefting the pile up onto his bed. That morning Patton had declared that today was going to be spring cleaning and there was nothing anyone could say to change that. He had even used his sneaky dad powers to somehow get Logan to agree that his room could be cleaner. This was why Virgil was here, digging all the fallen clothing that he had forsaken out of the back of his closet instead of ignoring it like well, the things you keep at the back of your closet.

Cleaning was soothing in its own way, especially folding clothes. Pick one up, smooth it out, fold it, place in a stack next to him. It had a rhythm that he could lose himself in and before he knew it he had almost reached the bottom of the pile. Virgil reached over for the last item and froze.

 

It was his old hoodie.

 

He hadn’t thought about it in ages, not since he shoved it as far back as it could go in his closet after he had swapped it out for his purple one. Virgil held it up in front of him and glared at it slightly.

It was just a hoodie. A common, normal looking item of clothing. But if it was just a hoodie than why did he feel so unsettled by it? Just holding it up made him feel twitchy and Virgil quickly dropped his hands back into his lap, balling the fabric up in his fists. He felt _off_ . For some reason his breathing was picking up and he felt the beings of what felt like an panic attack stirring.

Letting out a sharp huff of breath Virgil tried to focus on his breathing and bring it back to a more even keel, but it didn’t seem to be working. Virgil balled his fists tighter into the fabric of the jacket in his lap and tried to focus purely on counting.

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4.

It felt like his focus was shattering to a million piece. Every time he lost his focus on his counting he got hopelessly swamped in scattered snapshots of memories.

_He was trying to get Creativity to understand his plan just wouldn’t work, and he wasn’t listening he was just brushing him aside!-_

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2-

_“Logic you have to see that this can’t possibly work! Think of what all the people who are looking at Thomas? What are they going to-”_ _  
_

In, 2, 3, 4-

“ _Oh im sorry was I not wanted at this exact second?”_

_“You’re doing a bad job Sanders”_

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. He wasn’t there.

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. He wasn’t there it was better now he was fine.

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. The others cared-

“ _Oh good my anxiety. Right on time.”_

_Virgil raised an eyebrow, of course he was here and of course he wasn’t wanted he was the villain. But he had to focus he had make Thomas understand what was going to go wrong. It didn’t matter if he was liked this was fine it was fine he was fine-_ _  
_

No! He was not there he was in his room the others listened now he was heard he was part of the family.

Breathe.

In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. He was in his room sitting on his bed- _sitting on his bed, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie, bracing himself against the tug that he felt from the others, that meant they wanted him to show. Laying back on the bed he grabbed at the sheets under him as he pushed off the need to sink out of his room. There was a brief lull and Anxiety used it to add to the distance he had placed between himself and Thomas._

_Thomas didn’t need him._

_All he did was get in the way._

_Thomas was better off without him._

_The next tug came and Anxiety grit his teeth and clenched his eyes shut, this was for the best this was for the best this was for the best this was_ -

 

“-Virgil!”

Virgil tried to pull his focus back together. He wasn’t there he was here he needed to breathe needed to count,

1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4? 3? 1, 2, 3?

“-its okay, Virgil you’re in your room, its Patton, you’re safe-“

 

Patton.

 

Patton was here and he was talking to him. Virgil tried to turn his focus outward, only partly succeeding. He could listen to Patton who was firmly here-and-now as supposed to back-then-and-bad which was a good thing, but anything other than that felt out of control. Slowly shifting his gaze over to where Patton’s voice was coming from, Virgil blinked and tried to focus. Patton was standing in the doorway and when he saw Virgil looking over at him Patton let out a relieved breath.

“Can I come over?” Virgil nodded and tried to shift to the side slightly so Patton would have room, but it felt like he was fighting his own body every step of the way. His hands were still locked around the jacket, holding so tight his knuckles were white and his fists were shaking. Patton looked at what Virgil was holding and he could see the moment of realization on Patton’s face.

“Virgil can I touch your hands?” Virgil nodded again and Patton began to slowly ease the fabric from his grasp. As soon as the jacket was completely untangled Patton pushed it off the bed and out of view.

Virgil felt his hands begin to clench again so he grabbed for Patton’s hands, entwining their fingers together, giving him no choice but to relax them or else he would hurt Patton. Patton was breathing deep and slow and Virgil focused on the sound of it and let it guide his own breathing. After a while of silence punctuated by short gasps from Virgil, Patton spoke up.

“Would you like to go downstairs? It might be good to get out of your room for a little while.” Virgil tried to respond, but the words got stuck somewhere in his throat so he just nodded again and let himself be lead out of his room.

Patton gently maneuvered him over to the couch and sat down, guiding Virgil’s head into his lap. He turned on the tv and pulled up Black Cauldron before settling back and running his fingers through Virgil’s hair.

Over time Virgil began to lose some of the tension in his frame, still feeling on edge and wary, but able to focus on something else besides the emotions he had been swamped in earlier. Safe and warm cuddled up with Patton Virgil felt himself slowly begin to drift off to sleep.


End file.
